The Pizza Cheese I Ate

I went out and had a pizza at a place -- not a pizza place, but a regular restaurant where pizza is also served but you don't typically see it there. It's so rare I hadn't actually ever seen a pizza there even though I've been there 30-40 times. I take that back, I did see on in a box one time but never the actual pizza. I wanted to say that just for the sake of accuracy and because I know my readers hold me to the highest standards of truthfulness, as well they should.

One time I tried to order a pizza there and they warned me off it, saying it would take a half hour, because of the length of time it takes them to roll out the dough. It's apparently a very slow process. With that warning I was afraid to order one in the future, even though I had my eye on this particular menu item numerous times. I'd go in and see in the menu, start fantasizing about what they might look like, and I'd find myself salivating uncontrollably to the point that it was embarrassing, not to mention messy to any tie I might've had on.

But tonight I gave a painful birth to a brainchild, that I would phone them up well in advance, like close to 20 minutes before my arrival, giving the slow pizza roller guy enough time to psych himself up to do the job. He can't really have that much practice, because remember, I'd never seen an actual pizza there, even though I've been there 30-40 times (except for the one in the box, which I never actually saw.)

It was actually funny -- the time I saw the pizza in the box. We went there and stood around waiting for a table. I looked over at the bar and saw a pizza box on the edge. We got a table, a table coincidentally right next to the pizza box. It was within seven feet of me. I sat there. And nobody touched it. I asked the bartender about it (I think I did), and he may have said something like it was takeout, but the people weren't there to get it yet. I don't really remember, but I know I was dying to ask someone about it, and I may have.

I was trying to make a witty remark to the waitress, such as "That pizza's going to be very cold," but it was kind of noisy in there, plus she'd just turned to go, and someone else caught her attention, and she missed what I said, with my words falling unheard to the floor, unceremoniously. Which was for the best, because it seemed like I was sticking my nose in where it didn't belong. What business was it of mine whether the pizza was picked up or not?

Still, going to a place where they have pizza on the menu -- 30 to 40 times (a conservative estimate) and never actually seeing a pizza -- how could anyone not wish to comment on it? The chances of that aren't good. It rubs me the wrong way. If it's not something someone ever orders, then it's no big surprise it takes so long to get one!

Anyway, tonight I ordered one on the phone. A waiter answered and he didn't know what to do with my request. So he passed me to one of the main ladies who's always there. She seemed caught off guard, that someone would be ordering a pizza. Like it was a prank call. But I gave my actual name and that calmed her down. She took the order and told me it'd take 20 minutes. I'm thinking, "20 minutes?" I thought it took a half hour just to roll it out. But I didn't say anything about it.

We got there and they said they'd just put it in the oven, so the rolling process had been accomplished successfully. It was between 10-15 minutes later, and out they came with a decent pizza. Not especially worth writing home about, if you know what I mean. But it was edible and nothing to be ashamed of.

The cheese was heavy on it. They used a lot of cheese. Which made me think of other cheesy pizzas I've had. I used to go to a place where I jokingly said, "The cheese was as thick as your wrist." That was meant as a compliment. Then you can think of the cheese you get on a pizza and when you take it out of the refrigerator the next day it looks weird. That's when you hate to see cheese, when it's refrigerator hard.