Alfred Hitchcock -- Anny Ondra And Others

I've been watching something from my Alfred Hitchcock collection everyday recently while I do my morning and evening exercises. That really stretches out a movie, but I stay interested.

I can't even remember all I've seen. I got this $5 set at Walmart that has 20 movies on it, all directed by Hitchcock. Some of the film quality is less than optimum but it's not terrible. I keep thinking that if I had all these movies on actual 16mm film reels how much room it'd take to store them. And how much effort it'd be to thread them and watch them, although it'd be fun.

I'm watching the other movie by Hitch that stars Anny Ondra, "Blackmail." The first one was "The Manxman." I could be in love with Anny if she wasn't dead. If it could be 1929 again, I'd look her up. Probably not really, since I don't actually contact movie stars. I understand they don't appreciate that. There's a good Wikipedia article on her. She married the famous boxer Max Schmeling and they were married for a long time, until she died. And I wouldn't want to tangle with a boxer!

Anyway, "Manxman" was totally silent. "Blackmail" was filmed as both a silent movie and a talkie. The version I have is the latter, but it starts off silent and is silent for quite a while. Then the voices start in. I read, also at Wiki, that Anny's voice in this was provided by another person just off camera, speaking while Anny's mouth moved. Because Anny had a Czech sounding voice and that's not what Hitch wanted.

Another one I watched just recently was "Champagne," a silent movie about a young heiress. She's quite a handful, but her father teaches her a lesson of sorts about money by faking that he's lost all his money. I don't know that she actually learns the lesson but it has a happy ending. It has lots of funny bits. The leading man, Betty's love interest, isn't at all desirable so it's hard to root for him. But maybe they had different standards back in the '20s.

The Knives Are Out For Michael Steele

I heard that phrase today, "The knives are out for Michael Steele." I like the phrase, having heard it over the years.

Michael Steele, of course, is that yahoo in charge of the Republican party. He's a big goof as far as I'm concerned. He seems to get in trouble about as often as Dennis the Menace.

The most recent embarrassing thing for the GOP is their lavish expense accounts, chartered jets, lavish accommodations, and entertainment expenses that would make Hugh Hefner blush. Hey, where do I sign up to be a Republican bigwig?

When I go out to eat, let's say, I try to get by as cheap as possible, most of the time. Of course I splurge once in a while and have the dessert or a nicer entree. So we might spend $75 for a night out, not very often, and that includes a very decent tip. So I can barely imagine going out on the town and spending around $2,000 for the evening! It is just so out of the realm of my experience that I don't think I'd do it if I could. I'm a lot more frugal than that.

That's what this Republican guy was doing, living it up at a lesbian bondage club. Sure it sounds fun, but that might best be left off your official expense report, Stupid!

You'd think that conservatives would conserve. But we know, if from no other evidence than the Bush years, that they're remarkably profligate. They'll charge it! Scan the card! It's paid for!

About the phrase, though, that's what I wanted to get for. It recalls images of palace intrigue, knives being thrust through the curtains in the palace, and the minister of state is left in a pool of blood. No one knows who did it, but there's a brand new minister of state the next day who just happened to be available.

Recess Appoint 'Em All!

President Obama once again drew the fire of the Republicans, by recess appointing 15 of his stalled nominees for various positions.

The Republicans of course want to block and obstruct everything the president seeks to do. So he really had no choice, unless he wants (as they do) the government to function without people in these important offices.

Sen. John McCain was the hypocrite of the day, lamenting that the president "little respect for the time honored constitutional roles and procedures of Congress." Time honored if you don't count the Bush administration, really not that long ago, about whose recess appointments, McCain said, "I would support it. It's the president's prerogative." Busted! Lamebrain.

Gee, I wonder what's changed!

The Republicans are a sickening bunch. They need to be thwarted. If President Obama has this authority, then why shouldn't he use it? Especially in the light of their blatant obstructionism. If he waited for the Republicans he'd be waiting forever. I'd just go ahead and recess appoint 'em all and say Suck on them lemons!

We have one president and one party who are trying to do the right thing. Then we have the Republicans, a party whose platform is vandalism.

Eric Cantor Threatened By Gunshot

Republican Congressman Eric Cantor was recently almost the victim of a gunshot.

It appears that someone in the same county that Cantor sometimes works shot a gun at random. The person -- no identity or motive is officially known -- shot a gun in the air, with the bullet coming down and landing a little later.

The congressman states that it was obviously meant for him.

Armageddon Comes With A Whimper

In T.S. Eliot's poem, "The Hollow Men," he says, "This is the way the world ends / Not with a bang but a whimper."

And so it was for the Republicans' hyped up fear of Armageddon if the health care reform bill was passed. Nothing happened.

It was funny to hear President Obama riffing on this today at Iowa City. Instead of asteroids hitting the earth and the ground opening up to swallow everyone, it was a nice day, the birds chirping and people strolling casually on the Mall.

Oh no, the Republicans have co-opted Chicken Little!

Enjoying Those Dreadful Moments

I've been doing a ton of reflection on the concept of enjoying my life.

Of course it's easy and expected that we will enjoy our lives when times are good and things are going smoothly. But what I mean is to enjoy our lives when times are tough and things are going terribly. Like those times of ultimate stress, when your belly feels like someone's wringing it out like a sponge, and the bags under your eyes reach your chin.

I've had that kind of stress for the last month and a week. I don't want to state the particulars of it, but this is true. It came to a terrible, dreadful head just today. I was up against a deadline vis-a-vis this whole situation, after the month and a week's build up, and the deadline could not be postponed. It was then, it had to be then. It was do or die.

All through the morning, there was one thing on my mind, the terrible dreadfulness of it all. And at times, the thought of how great I'd feel when it was over, and how much greater I'd feel, say, two months from now when there is more or less a resolution, and the old is left behind and the new has come. That was my feeling through the morning.

Then as the morning advanced on, I knew it was T-minus 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. Then -- it was an inexorable moment -- the do or die moment came and my stomach was doing such contortions, my eyes were hazy, and if it had been possible with our present human structure to spontaneously combust, I surely would have done so!

In those moments, before the 10, 9, 8 .... just before that ... I was thinking, "Enjoy this feeling." My mental talk was going like this, "This feeling is as intense and rare as any feeling can be. You cannot fake this feeling, even if you mentally put yourself in this predicament. Because it would be simply a mental thing and not a thing of actuality, involving real people and real life consequences. You can fool yourself, but you can't fool yourself that well! So ... to the extent that you can, zero in on this and ... enjoy it."

The truth is I never really talked myself into an actual experience of enjoyment. Because that thought keeps slipping away in the struggles and exigencies of the moment. But it is a heck of a philosophy and seems to be true to me as a way to experience the conditions of life. If you can manage it!

To wish away the experiences of life is to wish away our lives. And that is a very mentally self destructive attitude.

Good Grief, Joe Biden

I understand the enthusiasm and the sentiment of Vice President Joe Biden, telling President Obama that it's a big deal that health care reform passed. But, really, you have to use the "F" adjective right there at that minute, with the entire world listening in?

Back stage, off camera somewhere, yes, some high fives and boisterous celebration. Right there at the signing ceremony, a little decorum and not ultimately upstaging the big guy would be good.

These seem like very simple principles, that very simple people, most of us, are able to adhere to on a daily basis. We might feel like saying certain things, but that little editor in our brain tells us to hold back.

Met A Long Serving Teacher

I met a lady today who was a third grade teacher for 43 years.

That's a very long time to be a third grade teacher.

I asked her if she ever meets people who say, "You were my teacher." And she said she does.

I told her I coincidentally met up with one of my third grade teachers last September, who remembered me.

It put me in mind to search for a few teachers on Facebook. I actually saw one when I wasn't even looking. He's in one of the same groups that I am.

Who All The Tea Party Wackos Hate

The Tea Party people "love America," except for all the days when they want to secede from the union! They're not content waving the American flag. They're claiming old flags from history as more valid. Real patriotic stuff there!

They love their "rights." They just don't love the rights of others. In fact, they have no love at all for others. Others are the enemy. If you're other than them, you're scum. That's how they think.

We've heard of their hatred again in the last few days, the N word being hurled at Civil Rights heroes and other blacks, gays called faggots, Mexicans called wetbacks, etc. Whoever you are, they hate you. Those who disagree with them are "Hitler." LOL!

That's the "America" the Tea Party haters want to get us "back to." I personally don't see it resonating with normal people.

The First Day Of Spring

Well, this is a day that's always a happy one for me, when spring gets here.

Break out the bunnies! And the crocuses! And the feeling that newness is in the air!

It's been a tough winter, very tough. And expensive for snow removal, even if the heating bill has been about average or a little under the usual. The sun, though, turns out to be the best snow remover ... and it doesn't cost a thing, if you're willing to wait for it to get around to it.

Yippee! We're there! Officially!

Thank You For Standing By Us

I saw part of Toyota's damage control and attempt to rebuild trust, on a commercial tonight.

They have some average Toyota customers from over the years -- Mom and Pop -- who apparently have the expertise to claim that their Toyotas over the years were always safe.

That's nice.

Then they end off with a Toyota employee, supposed to be anyway, saying, "Thank you for standing by us." In the most plaintive voice he can muster.

Ahh...

You know, a big fat company shouldn't come to us saying "Thank you for standing by us." Take care of business with a mind for your customers and your business will prosper. Cut corners and allow people to experience disaster and you'll experience disaster. It's that simple.

Fortunately, from their point of view, they have enough big bucks to throw themselves on everyone's mercy, and make their comeback.

St. Patrick's Day Has No Follow Up

After Christmas everyone says, "Did you have a good Christmas? What'd you get for Christmas?" etc.

But St. Patrick's Day is an island among days. It's there, you're wearing green, then it's gone. No follow up. People at work aren't commenting on what a great St. Patrick's Day it was, etc. At least in my experience.

I suppose there are plenty of hangovers. But those aren't usually a happy thing.

My Snuggie

I'm sitting here in a Snuggie, half of me.

Someone gave me one as a gift, completely unexpectedly. So I'm trying it out.

Mine is a little longer than it needs to be and the sleeves are more expansive than they need to be. But I've got them pulled back.

It seems to me that a good old fashioned bathrobe would do the trick about as well, except it wouldn't cover your legs. The whole idea of having the back completely open doesn't appeal to me. I'm not on a couch but on a regular wooden chair.

I normally (in the winter) wear some kind of long john pants under my pants, like a jogging suit, but I didn't do it today. So I've been colder than I like most of the day.

Snuggie. It's all the rage. I wouldn't have bought one. But if someone gives you one, that's how to get one.

If Trees And Sidewalks Could Talk

I'm visiting at my mother's house. Since I'm hardly ever here, I'm not here often enough to get used to it. So I still have all the associations from years ago, as to the neighborhood, right down to the particular trees and sidewalks.

For those of the family who live nearby and are here a lot, I'm wondering to myself if they lose that. As for me, when I step outside I see a particular tree and think of all the times I climbed it. Its branches are all hacked up now, since it's had 40 years to catch all the tree diseases that have gone around. But I look at the big old trunk and think of how we were present together like this all those years ago.

The sidewalk running out front is the same one. It's aged and hasn't been replaced. So it holds the echoes of our feet trip trapping on our way to school. The walls, the bricks, the road, etc., it's all the same.

I heard that someone bought a house in the neighborhood, and the house they bought is still identified by the folks who lived in it 50 years ago. There has to have been a dozen people in it over the years, just guessing, so it's remarkable that even those who live here all the time refer to it by the owners 50 years ago. Maybe that gives us hope that people will be referring to our own homestead by our name long after we're gone.

The place I'm sitting while typing this was an outside porch when I was a kid. But sometime over the years, may 25 years ago, it got enclosed and made into a wrap around room on the house. It used to be a wrap around porch. We kids would run through here, get up on the ledge of the porch and jump over the bushes, hundreds of times. It'd be five feet to the ground, but we didn't get hurt.

There's one place to my west, also now part of the wrap around room, where, when it was a porch, I jumped, but tripped somehow and hit my head on the sidewalk. I'm lucky I made it, actually, because it was the kind of clunk that might've messed me up very badly. That actually could explain some of my problems, if problems indeed they are. But as far as the level of sanity I feel like I have -- which could be a delusion, granted -- it didn't do me any long term damage.

I'll be pulling out of the place today and heading back to my normal place. It'll be the same as always then. This place here I'll always have in my memory ... and I can also see it on Google Maps. Their truck went by here sometime and got it from the two road angles. So it also lives in Google's memory forever.

The Death Bridge

I'm visiting at my mother's today, so I'm out of my element and feeling the strangeness of the surroundings. I have my dog here too, and she's busy staying with me, intensely. But she's a good girl!

This place of course wasn't always strange to me, since I grew up right here. It's my own stomping ground.

The neighbors are mostly different than they were when I was a kid.

I'm less than a mile from a bridge where someone crashed into it, and my dad was the guy on the scene who helped get the body out. Now that I think of it, though, the bridge has been torn out and replaced since then. But it's the same spot where the death occurred.

It's great to be home.

Unhand Her, Dan Backslide!

One of our favorite cartoons. It's amazing how great this cartoon is. It's one we used to see all the time on TV, yet certain elements of it still come across as unfamiliar to me.

We definitely remember the biggest lines, "Unhand her, Dan Backslide!" and "A runabout, I'll steal it. No one will ever know!" But so much of the rest of it isn't 100% familiar, not for how many times we had to have seen it.

It goes by quickly. I forgot that the Dover Boys ended up on a heap with Dan. But the image of Dora jumping on the path with the weird jumping guy is familiar.

MSNBC Doc Block Murder

We sat down to lunch today and clicked on the TV. MSNBC is an interesting news channel, in that news doesn't happen on weekends. So over there you're likely to see anything, like prison profiles or Forensics Files types of shows.

Today they had one and I saw the last 35 minutes or so of it only. About some kids in high school in the early '80s out in California, and one kid happened to disappear. It turned out one of the other kids, a boy, killed him. But it took over 20 years for the truth to surface and for the authorities to get it figured out.

Even though this kid's body was found less than a mile from the high school, everyone simply thought he'd run away. Talk about out of sight, out of mind. But they pointed out that they didn't do the whole Amber Alert drill back then. OK, but I lived through the '80s and I didn't think it was Amber Alert or nothing. I guess those of us who lived through that time are lucky we're still here to tell the story!

Anyway, it happened that a guy passing through the area at random with a dog noticed his dog picking at something, and that's when they discovered the body. The kid's name was Russell Jordan. By now everything was decomposed except his bones and his belt, including a distinctive "Schlitz" belt buckle just like the one that Russell had. Still, without other conclusive evidence, they couldn't say for sure it was him. (At this point I was distracted, but somehow they checked out some residue of tissue or something and determined it was him.)

The rest of the story was on talking to his friends, who, it turned out, knew more than they'd originally said. Mostly, it seemed, because they weren't especially grilled on the subject at first. One guy heard the guy who turned out to be the killer tell him three times that he killed him and even described it, but for various reasons (none good) he didn't say anything. Another guy contacted much later, knew about it as well. Then there was the ex-girlfriend, who didn't seem to know much about it, sincerely so.

It was a crazy story, just for the sheer mindlessness of it, that the case was treated in such a dismissive way. Thank goodness we still have curious dogs. It took a dog to do what the entire law enforcement establishment couldn't bring themselves to do.

My Dog's Annoying Outbursts

There's something that happens in the morning. My wife is sleeping and the dog is in there with her. Then the cat comes skulking around -- I don't know exactly what he's doing.

This makes the dog annoyed, apparently, and she'll suddenly do an outburst, a short, quick barking noise while jumping off the bed in a threatening way. I can hear it from where I sit typing this.

It's already happened a couple times this morning. Meaning that it's not good for the wife's rest, because of course the closer she is to being naturally awake the more it's going to disturb her.

There's no way I know of, though, to make the dog quit it. I've told her in the past to be quiet, and "no," but I can't be right there to govern the situation all the time.

Why it only happens in the morning ... is because the cat likes to jump up there and be petted, to settle in to a certain extent, and to get attention. He's not really that afraid of the dog, since they've been together for over 10 years now.

Stress And The Family

Stress is bad for your family system, but it plays out, doing its thing, because it has to go somewhere.

I got a call today from a crying family member, always a fun thing to have happen. Someone else said something bad, then there was a bad response. Of course I don't know the whole story, such as the order of the bad things, the tone of voice, etc., I just have pieces of the story.

There's a lot of stress for some of my family -- over a career transition and a long distance move. Everything is shifting and there's a lot of headaches in the next few months. It's going to come out, or it's going to affect the various ones.

The thing to do is, If you get a nasty text message, think twice about responding in kind. If someone calls and says something mean, try to make allowances, try not to respond in kind. We'll all be happier in the long run!

My TB Skin Test

There's no way I have TB, either tuberculosis or two bellies (as Curly famously said).

But I was required to get a TB skin test for something I'm working on. And not just one but I have to get another one next week! Nasty.

So I need to go to the doctor's office tomorrow for them to look at my arm to see that I haven't got TB.

Don't you cough or something if you have TB? I'm not coughing at all.

Our Unhinged Democrats

It saddens me that my party -- the Democratic party -- has to be such nuts when they're in power.

One, they don't make the slightest effort to fall in line for the common good. Each one needs to be the Grand Poobah of the day, with it always being their way or the highway. We're fortunate to have the presidency, but the members of Congress feel no obligation to help the party along or the president's agenda. Not when they have their own little beef and own little fiefdom to guard.

So we have idiots like Dennis Kucinich, who said he would be willing to be the one vote that brings down health care reform as it now exists and could pass. Because it doesn't pass muster as to his very pure standards. So we would simply allow all the effort to fall by the wayside, all the folks who would be covered to wither up, die, and blow away. For the sake of this egomaniac's purity.

As far as I'm concerned, these idiots should've fallen in line back in August and got the SOB done. But no ... let's postpone it till Christmas. Then after the first of the year. Now maybe before April. If they wonder why we're not excited to contribute to the Congressional Democrats' Reelection Fund, look no further than these missed opportunities.

We're already seeing you can be in the minority and gum up the works for the other guy. Unfortunately, though, the Republicans tend to have a little more discipline when they're in power. It's our guys who don't know what they're doing. Which is very sad. Because we're the ones with the ideals. It's just we elect all this human garbage who won't act on our ideals.

If you can't get what is perfect, at least get something .... stupid.

The other unhinged Democrat big in the news these days is Eric Massa. This guy's a turd. Good grief, do we know how to pick 'em?!

Letters To Jackie

I read an article today about a book someone is publishing, quoting letters that people wrote to Jackie Kennedy after JFK's death.

I feel fairly good about a book like that, since it's the ignored stuff of history that is usually the most interesting. It's something that would say a lot about the lives of the ones who wrote letters. So if they're comfortable with all that coming out, it seems like something to welcome.

I can't remember if I had the inclination to write to her at the time. I must not have, since I definitely don't remember doing so. It seems like something I would remember. I was sad, of course, about the whole affair, and wished it hadn't happened.

That was supposed to be part of Jack Ruby's motivation for killing Oswald, being broken up about Jackie and the kids.

I liked the article for a few things, without referring to it directly. There was one girl who wrote every week for six months. It makes me wonder why she quit, unless it was just the sense that things were getting back to normal in six months. And our grief doesn't last forever. It said she went on to be a pastoral person of some sort, who now as an adult, recognized her present self in the old letters. Of wanting to be deeply involved in the lives of others, even in terribly tragic circumstances.

Woo, A Hot Mouth

I have a hot mouth. I just ate a couple fillets of baked salmon with Tabasco sauce on them. Now I'm gasping for air, and my water glass is empty.

That's some hot stuff ... but delicious. And with it three jalapeno slices and a baked potato. Pretty good stuff. I ate it right here at my computer. I have to be careful that I don't slop too much.

I burnt my thumb on the pan, a skillet I used to bake the salmon. It was on the stove and I forgot that the whole thing had been in the oven. So I touched it with my thumb for some reason, getting ready to move it. Ouch! So that hurts.

Fish is good for you.

Ghost Adventures

I hadn't heard of the show "Ghost Adventures" till last night, when I happened to be sitting downstairs when the TV was on. We were talking about something else and halfway watching it at the same time.

Since then I saw a couple more episodes, since it must be on all the time.

It's kind of creepy, of course, since they seem to have an extreme amount of paranormal activity happening, maybe too much to be at all realistic.

Several of the things stand out as something they might tweek. One, when you hear a disembodied voice, don't turn to the others and shout, "DID YOU HEAR THAT?" At that point it would be better to be quiet and see if the disembodied voice is going to say something else. It's almost like they're not really expecting any activity, so every time something happens they go ballistic and that's it till next time. How about just standing there and shutting up?

Two, it seems to me that it'd be smart not to assume every clunk, moth flying by, and hiss out of nowhere is spiritual activity. It would help the credibility of the show, in my opinion, if they seemed a little more skeptical, because anyone can come up with a list of other possibilities that aren't supernatural. They have heard of animals going into old buildings and having homes up in the rafters, I assume.

Three, maybe it'd be a helpful point to make that these places (the ones I saw) aren't abandoned to the spirits, but are on the National Historic Registry and are museums that are open to the public everyday of the week. Yes, they may be ruined in certain ways. But if they're actual museums, there's probably a heating system and electricity, pipes and things that are hooked up, systems that are turning on and off via a thermostat or a timer. Any of this can make all sorts of noises, cause all sorts of air currents, etc.

All that said, they do present the whole thing as very creepy.

Since I've watched a few shows, I'm thinking about all the normal noises you hear in the course of a day in a building. So many of them I could shriek, "DO YOU HEAR THAT?" and play it back a few times and maybe I could hear in the hissing the sound of my own name or some other quick sentence. I don't think their translations of "disembodied voices" appear all that accurate in relation to what I'm hearing out of my TV.

As for periodically being "possessed," as it seems they are, psychology would go a long way toward explaining that. There are all sorts of freaky things that can happen. The bottom line is, the living are more interesting than the dead.

News Of The Colored People

Different times! A lot of the "colored people" news is on one page of the newspaper. From The Bluefield Daily Telegraph, Bluefield, WV, Feb. 14, 1937, p. 11 second section, p. 23 of 24 in online archive.

Why Are Cage-Free Eggs So Expensive?

What's the deal with cage-free eggs being twice as much as regular eggs? They haven't got the extra overhead of the cages. Is it just because it takes so much more time to chase the chickens all over the farm?

And brown eggs. It seems like they'd be the same as white. It's reverse discrimination.

I Got A Hymn Buzz

I have a hymn (or spiritual song) in my mind tonight, called "He Keeps Me Singing."

This is an oldie but a goody, and just singing it for less than 10 minutes gave me a buzz in my head. It must be exactly the song I need.

If you have some issues, lines like this can help ... "Fear not, I am with thee, peace be still, in all of life's ebb and flow." That gives me a mental shifting of sorts. Too much fear, not enough peace, but it's a promise, written by whoever the hymn writer was. I shift it to the divine, of course, since that's the context.

OK, I Googled it. The song was written by Luther B. Bridgers, and according to this website, he wrote the song after a tragic fire killed his wife and three sons. So that's worse of a problem than I have.

Here's the words:

There’s within my heart a melody
Jesus whispers sweet and low,
Fear not, I am with thee, peace, be still,
In all of life’s ebb and flow.

Refrain

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,
Sweetest Name I know,
Fills my every longing,
Keeps me singing as I go.

All my life was wrecked by sin and strife,
Discord filled my heart with pain,
Jesus swept across the broken strings,
Stirred the slumbering chords again.

Refrain

Feasting on the riches of His grace,
Resting ’neath His sheltering wing,
Always looking on His smiling face,
That is why I shout and sing.

Refrain

Though sometimes He leads through waters deep,
Trials fall across the way,
Though sometimes the path seems rough and steep,
See His footprints all the way.

Refrain

Soon He’s coming back to welcome me,
Far beyond the starry sky;
I shall wing my flight to worlds unknown,
I shall reign with Him on high.

Superman Cleans Up Burma

I've been hearing some things lately about the insane country of Burma.

As far as Governments Gone Wild go, I hear that Burma's is one of the worst. That, like North Korea, they're very oppressive of their people, to the point of being ridiculous about it.

I'd love to go over there and get it all straightened out. Throw out the crooks, the military dictatorship, and straighten out the corrupt police, etc. It's a country of 56 million, and I would guess about 55.9 million of those are more or less miserable. If I could show up and straighten it out, get their country back among the land of the normal, I'm sure they'd thank me.

But, alas, I'm just one weak guy. Who can't do much.

But if I were Superman, oh boy, that'd be great. I'd be over in North Korea today -- doing some speedy quick work to topple their crap government, destroy their political prisons, and establish freedom for all their citizens. Then the next day I'd be over in Burma, toppling their crap government, destroying their other corrupt institutions, and establishing peace and joy for every person (except the crooks at the top). The crooks at the top, I'd immediately banish to the Phantom Zone.

I'm serious. Any government that is brutal and oppressive -- especially to these ridiculous degrees -- they'd be answering to me -- Superman.

The Skivvies Blog Celebrates 501

That's a brand of jeans, you know. A formula the Levis company whipped up one day. They went through 500 false starts, pants with one leg longer than the other, pockets sewn inside instead of out, see-through denim, etc., until the scientists finally hit on the right formula, #501.

With just the right denim, the right pockets, the right leg length on both sides, they knew they had it right. A quick rivet to the butt and the thing was ready for the rack. And history. The mighty 501 was born!

We have a similar cause for celebration at the Skivvies blog, as we have raced through 500 false starts -- blog posts -- and now have finally attained perfection, #501. With this one going over 500 now all my blogs are old enough to know better. They've become as comfortable a pair of good pants, something for me to stretch out in and be free.

May all your days be Skivvies days. Mine are, and look, it hasn't hurt me.

A Book About Pirates

I got a book about pirates tonight at Goodwill. 50 cents, I always think How could I go wrong?

It looks like one of those good historic books, called "Under The Black Flag," by David Cordingly.

The first chapter is called "Wooden Legs and Parrots." So, let's say I eventually read it, perhaps I'll learn that they didn't really have parrots. I hope not. Or I might learn that they loved parrots. Just like we imagine.

But it seems like it'd be bad to have a parrot sitting on your shoulder all day. I know other birds go to the bathroom a lot, and it seems like it'd be nasty to have too much poop on your chest, or, if its facing the other way, on your back.

Probably though a pirate had lots of other stuff to worry about, like getting caught.