Purity Rings

I've read several of the reviews of the Jonas Brothers' new album, which I think is great. It seems obligatory to mention that they wear "purity rings" and don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or eat crackers in bed.

Hey, if they want to live their lives like that, I think that's a great idea. I can't think of very many positives having to do with teenagers (and anybody) doing drugs, smoking, drinking, and being promiscuous.

We all know about hormones, of course, so eventually nature will take its natural course. But there's nothing wrong about having some willpower and trying to do the right thing. They can be a good influence to other kids.

As for their album, maybe it's so good because of pent-up hormones. I don't know but the idea of compensation and trade-offs, energy channeled into something else, might make a difference. That's what the yogis say anyway.

Kid Rock's "All Summer Long"

I hate the song "All Summer Long" by Kid Rock.

It seems so contrived it's not funny. One, the combination of "Werewolves of London" and "Sweet Home Alabama" is bad. Then the lyrics tell the story of I don't know what. Some people getting drunk and high in 1989.

I'm not going to listen to it anymore. It pops up on 20 on 20 (XM) every few minutes. I hope it's gone by the time the leaves start to fall.

How about instead of all the sampling and mashing-up people just write their own songs? When it gets this bad it's a lot like vandalism.

Bigfoot

They discovered Bigfoot the other day. It turns out he's just a guy who wears a hairy rubber suit. All these years he's been jumping out, scaring people, and somehow just managing to have every photo of him be blurry and indistinct. (The way you do that is a lot of side to side action when they're taking the picture, or just be super nervous.)

Some other guys, it appears, must have chased him down and stripped him of his suit. At least I heard it the other day, that they turned it in for a reward and were keeping it in the freezer so it wouldn't -- I don't know -- be any warmer than necessary.

As for the Bigfoot guy, now stripped, we're picturing him as a lonely hunter in a cabin in the woods, using this Bigfoot disguise to keep the forest all to himself. But now that we know it's just him, we can take over his forest, let the heavy equipment raze his shack, and develop it as a housing project or a new mall. Progress must go on.

I didn't catch his name. But whoever he is, he had a good thing going for a while. But as with everything, eventually you get caught. The really good news is we have nothing left to fear from Bigfoot. And that's one big step forward for the rest of us.

We'll Stay On This One Forever

National Enquirer Executive Editor Barry Levine says of the John Edwards story, "We'll stay on this one forever." Great, they should. What John Edwards did to the Democratic party was despicable and he should be pursued until he comes completely clean.

According to the Enquirer, Edwards bought Ms. Hunter a $1 million house and spent $150,000 to send her to some undisclosed place. If true, this doesn't sound like the actions of a man with nothing to hide. "She was moved in the middle of the night. Lots of money is being spent to keep her happy and away from the media."

They want him to admit paternity:

"We have exclusive photographic evidence, pictures, videos, hard proof to further incriminate Edwards. He doesn't at this point know what we have, which is why I'm asking that we don't reveal too much yet. And which we will use unless and until he acknowledges paternity.

I'm not even slightly bothered by this. But I am bothered by what looks like true corruption on the part of Edwards. The election of 2008 was too important for him to be mucking it up.

Stay on it forever!

Focus on the Family

Focus on the Family, which claims to be some kind of Christian organization, is always doing something stupid. It's the organization run by James Dobson, and I think their stock in trade is snake oil of some sort.

Now, today, there was a video calling on the true believers (in the obviously Republican God) to pray that Obama's speech in Denver is rained out by a rain of biblical proportions.

This seems wrong at so many levels. Set the politics aside. It's a trivializing of prayer, which actually has great great value. Later in the day they claimed it was all a joke, which makes the trivialization of prayer even more blatant.

Lord, save us from your "lunatic fringe" disciples, our brothers and sisters in the faith who still do not have a clue. Bless them in all the right ways. Amen.

Edwards in 2012!

If Barack Obama loses this year -- which we're not expecting to happen -- we already have our candidate for 2012. It's none other than John Edwards!

One, he's completely vetted now, with nothing left to hide (we hope). And, second, wearing nine or 10 wedding rings as he will be doing by then, there's no way he'll forget his sacred vows again.

John Edwards has pledged to "spend the rest of my life" working on the issue of poverty, and that's one affair we believe we can trust him with. So, now that he has thoroughly disavowed an agenda of sleeping around we think it's time to give him a second chance.

Go, Obama, go! But if he doesn't make it, we'll see you in 2012, Mr. Edwards!

UPDATE: Something to crow about: I checked around, and Pimp My Skivvies is officially the first blog to endorse Edwards for 2012! If you click this link you'll see where we did it, which happens to be the very page you're looking at now.

Precious CDs

I went to a garage sale today. I like to look at CDs. You can get some decent albums for next to nothing, a dollar, 50 cents, sometimes a quarter.

At this garage sale there was a little stack of CDs, like maybe seven or eight. And a sign under them said something like, "CDs in the house. Ask to see them." So I thought they must have boxes or shelves of others in the house that they didn't want to bring out. I asked to see them.

The mom sent a little girl in the house to get them, and it was a small stack of CDs out of their cases. Then it dawned on me. These were the CDs that should have been in the cases there on the table. They had taken the CDs out and kept them in the house for whatever reason, apparently so no one would steal them.

OK, they were 50 cents each, not exactly a big moneymaker for them anyway. And they were really hot titles, like "Lilo & Stitch" and some kind of generic kids CDs, along the lines, I'd say, of Kidz Bop. There was also "Now That's What I Call Music - 14" but it didn't have a case. Real precious stuff, well worth keeping out of the reach of a sneak thief and a burgeoning black market for stolen goods of this value!

Yeah, Hey! How Do They Know!

Here's a valid comeback on the issue of tires being inflated or not:

August 5th, 2008

9:46 pm GMT

How does Obama or McCain know our tires are not inflated properly. I haven’t seen them checking my car. Proper inflation isn’t some new concept to the vast majority of us. Maybe these Senators just found out about this.

- Posted by Jim H

That's from the comments on the Reuters article. Jim is obviously on to something here. He hasn't seen Obama or McCain, either one, checking his car's tires. So how would they know if they were inflated properly or not?

I guess they must come over sometime when he's asleep.

McCain Wanted to Enter Cindy in Topless Contest

Here's how ESPN describes the Miss Buffalo Chip contest: "It holds a Miss Buffalo Chip contest every night, which is essentially a topless beauty pageant. And occasionally bottomless, too."

Republicans: Pro-Flat Tire!

For those who might have been afraid they'd seen everything, this year takes us down an even sillier byway, thanks to the Republicans and John McCain.

They've long been deniers of reality, of course, but this year they're outdoing themselves, suggesting that it'd be more efficient in terms of gasoline costs if we just drove on flat tires!

All these years we've thought that air in tires was our friend. It turns out to have been a two-pronged deception: 1) it's been a waste of air; 2) it's used more gas, not less!

It's true, you know. Think of all the rubber we've wasted by making tires and putting air in them! (Hey, Ohio, are you listening? The Republicans are now against tires!)

We'll let John McCain himself explain, "If you'll look closely, my friends, it's only flat on one side. Our task, our goal, will be to make sure it's flat all the way 'round."

McCain Angers Hilton Family

McCain is in trouble with the Hilton family, after recently drafting their family member, Paris, into his political ad as some kind of celebrity airhead.

Turns out the Hilton family is a big contributor to McCain's cause. Or was.