The Origins Of Shyness

Some of my best ideas (assuming any of these are good) come from reading Google Ads. You'd think it'd be very stifling not to be able to click on your own ads (Google policy), but actually it's liberating.

Liberating? How so? Because I can see an idea there, not click on it, and therefore not be guilty of any kind of copyright violation by copying their ideas. If I have no idea what they say, everything I have to say about it will be, if not original, at least something that originated with me in its final, precise form. I mean, I doubt, if you Googled this particular paragraph, that anyone else has ever written it precisely word for word.

Moving on, the ad I saw mentioned the origins of shyness. For what? I guess to make the case that people could get over shyness if they really tried. That's what you would be paying them for. Something that you could probably figure out on your own. You're shy, you're not stupid.

Where would shyness come from? This is where it gets hard. Let me think.

Shyness seems to be based in fear, with a lack of personal confidence. You're afraid of launching out, because someone might be critical, then you'd be left looking like a putz. Maybe it'd be a case of rejection, like romantically. Or disagreement, like if you got up to give your opinion about something.

Shyness probably has some elements of comparisons that you're mentally making. I don't stack up well against this person, that person, or those folks. Then it builds on itself, in that I'm mentally reinforced in it by being tentative, withdrawn, and isolated. The more you let it be, the more it grows.

One of the best ways to overcome it is to be prepared, then to launch out slowly. Let's say it has to do with academics, speaking up in class. The more prepared you are, the more confident you are to launch out. The truth is, with teachers, for the most part they are there to affirm whatever you say, if it's at all relevant to the topic at hand and said with sincerity. If they call you stupid in front of the class, report them.

The key thing about speaking up in class, though, is to do it as early as you can in the semester. Because it gets tougher the longer you put it off. So, let's say you're shy, find some area in the class where you can make personal inroads, then launch out modestly, and let that build on itself instead of the shyness.

If you ever have a particular project to present, let's say, and you're shy, remind yourself that you know more about it than anyone else there. They're not prepared at all. So you can have a more confident point of view during your presentation.

Determination and Self Interest

I like to hear resolutions from people when they've had a down time -- a very negative transitional time, let's call it -- that from now on things are going to be different. You hear words like this, "I'm never going to be in that situation again. I'm going to" do this and that and the other thing. You have to encourage it and hope they stick to it.

I think it'd be good to write down those plans and read them the first thing in the morning. And maybe even have a journal of some of your craziest times to read to remind yourself of the misery you've been through. It's a terrible thing to be down and out, personally, emotionally, and financially. That's a big one because with just emotional things you have options moment to moment. Being down and out financially means suffering for a longer time, because money doesn't just appear.

But when you got it, when you get it, keep it. Have the determination that having it is power, the power of independence, the power of owning yourself. I was talking to someone who was staying with someone, friends, but doing that you outstay your welcome before you know it. (As for myself I'd be thinking of this issue the first day, but not everyone does. They think it really is a time for convalescence, when it is a transitional time that needs to be gotten through as quickly as possible.) Pretty soon it becomes clear that you are at their mercy, that that's no place to be.

So the bottom line is take charge of your life, don't be anyone's victim (including your own victim, like with self-destructive behavior), strive for and achieve independence, and look out for your self interest all the way down the line. You'll be a lot happier for it.

One big problem people have is with over spending. That's making yourself a victim. I'm not a rich guy, but I know that having your head above water is power. And the more you're up and out of it, not being submerged, but up, high and dry, the better off you'll be.

Comfort Food

I went to the grocery store to get a few things. I was a little bummed out because of a relative in the hospital and not getting out. My squirrelly little brain was telling me "citrus" would help. But I don't like the iffiness of fruit. You're eating it, it's got all those white bits, too much mush. If it was just pulp, OK, but rind, seeds, other crap, it's too much.

That means juice is best, even though nutritionists tell you it isn't. Juice is freebasing fruit. Still, they've got it domesticated, tidy, under control in that milk carton with a screw off lid.

I was consciously telling myself you don't need comfort food just because of this hospital setback. It's all psychological. I just about turned away once and forgot it, but the thing was too strong. Plus I wanted to get a few other items. I ended up with a carton of orange juice and a carton of grapefruit juice, plus everything else.

An old guy in a handicapped cart asked me to reach him a cantaloupe, because he was stocking up for the big winter storm. I just about walked away afterward, but asked him about the winter storm rumor, which apparently is true. It motivated me to buy more items than I would have otherwise. I gave him a pat on the shoulder, like Kramer, like we were old buddies, and told him, "See you later." As I walked away I was thinking it wouldn't be bad to be friends with that guy, follow him around helping him reach things. But by then he was on his way wherever and I was in the dog food aisle.

Among my comfort food items, things I never buy, was a 100 pack of Lipton tea. I usually don't drink much tea, but we go in spurts. Today I was thinking, get the tea, get brand name, indulge. It's weird how they price tea. 48 teabags were one price and 100 teabags were around 20 cents more.